At two this morning, I got a phone call from my son. Nick is a nineteen year old Marine, who is currently stationed in California. Like any other mother who gets a phone call from their child at two in the morning, I instantly thought something was very wrong. He assured me nothing was wrong but told me he had important news to tell me. Then he said he would have to tell me via text because his room mate was sleeping. I am so bad at texting. Now I see why people use those crazy text abbreviations. I am worse than someone using the one finger typing method, and so slow too.
Nick says again that he has important news to tell me. After taking a full five minutes to text out “what”, I start thinking he is going to tell me that he is going to be deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan. The professional worrier (me) is really worried now.
The next thing he texted to me put me in such a state of shock, that I still have not recovered. Nick said he was getting married in January. Now I am cursing at the phone because I am so slow at texting that I cannot even get out all the questions I have. I did manage to ask him to send me some pictures of her, which he did. He told me she had red hair and a few other minor details. Then he had to go.
It was sometime mid-morning when I realized that I did not even know his finance’s name.I know what it is now. Krystal.
Of course I have the usual mom questions racing around in my head. Why so soon? Is she nice? When am I going to get to meet her. I also have the usual mom concerns, Is he too young to get married. He has not known her for very long, is he sure she is the one woman for him and so on.
In the end, I realized that he is an adult, this is his decision. I love him and if this makes him happy then I support him in his decision. I just wish I could meet his fiance before the marriage too place.
So now there is a reality for me. To get to where the wedding is going to take place is going to cause me to be in almost every type of situation that causes me to have a panic attack. Crowded airplane, loud noises, out side of my safety area, no way to escape back home,and more. I am almost paralyzed just thinking about it. I spoke with my counselor about it today and she and I are going to create a plan for me to follow so that it will be easier for me to handle things. For example, if possible get a hotel near where the wedding is going to take place so I have a place to escape to if things get too much for me. Also, she is going to talk to my doctor about getting me some special medications to take when I am forced to be on a crowded plan and other places so I can handle the anxiety better. She suggested that I take the medicine a couple of times before the trips so I can know what to expect. I have no choice but to employ these methods to get there, I am just ashamed that it is going to take all that to get to my son’s wedding.