My counseling appointment this past week was on Thursday.  I was very excited about going, because I could share with her all the things that had gone on since the last time I had seen her and tell her about the panic attack Monday and my reaction to it.

I told her about all the emotional ups and down that had started the previous week.  The exciting good stuff like my son coming into town, and @NAMIMass asking me to write something for them.  I let her now how proud I was that @Blogcritics accepted my application.  I told her how good it felt for people to value what I say/write.  We discussed the emotional downs, things like the bad parts of the conversation I had with my son, and the suicide death in my extended family.  I also told her about all the emotions I experienced at the funeral home when my mother and I went to the viewing.

Then it came time to tell the counselor about the panic attack that I had on Monday.  I told her that for about five minutes I was paralyzed, in my head I was yelling at her for being sick on the one day I needed her.  After that five minutes, I got up, went to the grocery store, came home and stayed fairly busy.  Basically, I just kept moving.  The whole time moving to keep myself from getting bogged down in my anxiety.  I also let her know that I could picture someone who had no problems with anxiety or depression having a similar panic attack.  After all, the few days before the panic attack were filled with an extreme amount of emotions.

I saw her begin to write something down.  The timing seemed slightly off to me.  She usually waits until it is about time for our session to be over before she jots some notes down about it.  Suddenly she looks up and tells me that she considers the fact that I was able to function in spite of the panic attack, a “remarkable step forward” in my treatment.  She went on to say that my verbalizing that getting upset in that manner would be something that could happen to anyone in the same set of circumstances, showed that I was able to maintain clear thinking through out the attack as well.  She explained she was writing this progress down in my chart so that the new doctor would be able to see it when I had my appointment with him.

I felt really good when that counseling session was over.  It feels as if things are really clicking for me and that I am doing really well.