In the past, I have blogged about how hard my mental illness has been on my husband. I went from being his partner to being a blob, who could barely take care of herself, much less provide him any support. After many months of therapy, I am his partner again. However, my role as his partner is different than it was before, and it has taken him some time to get used to who I am now.
Since I am not so focused on myself anymore, I have noticed that he has changed a great deal in the last year and half that I have been getting help for my depression. Here are a few things that I have observed about him.
- He is much more patient than he used to be.
- He understands how much loud noises bother me and make me anxious. He is talking softer, so his voice does not bother me. If he is doing work around the house, he will ask if it is ok to use a power tool and then warn me before he starts it up.
- He enjoys cooking. When I married him the only thing he could cook was microwave popcorn. The other day he shared with me that he now enjoys cooking and making up his own recipes.
- He is extremely supportive when I am having a bad mental health day. Before I was being treated with depression, everyday was a bad mental health day. He would get irritated because he did not know or understand why I was having such a hard time. However, now that he has a greater understanding about what is going on, he no longer gets irritated. Now when I have a bad mental health day he is very gentle with me, and understands that I am doing the best that I can.
- He listens better. It has been a struggle for me to get him to really hear me, however, he is now putting a great deal of effort into listening to me.
I really enjoyed this post. You know from reading my blog that I am at the beginning of my journey with this, and so is my husband. You have given me hope that both of us can come to a place of understanding with my condition and each other. Right now I don't think he knows how to act around me half the time and is afraid that little things will cause a shift in my moods. Other times he gets frustrated and pretends that nothing is wrong. Thank you for this post. I am going to bookmark it and when he and I are having an off day I am going to go back and read it to remind myself that this is just a period of adjustment, and that we'll get to the place that you have described.
Much love, Kaley
My recent post Happy- But Not Too Happy if You Know What I Mean…
It can sometimes take a long time, but they learn eventually. 🙂
My recent post Use Structure to Make Yourself More Productive
I am glad that my post was able to bring you some hope. Be prepared though. Like most things that take a great deal of effort, it might get worse before it gets better, but they will get better..
I really enjoyed this post. You know from reading my blog that I am at the beginning of my journey with this, and so is my husband. You have given me hope that both of us can come to a place of understanding with my condition and each other. Right now I don't think he knows how to act around me half the time and is afraid that little things will cause a shift in my moods. Other times he gets frustrated and pretends that nothing is wrong. Thank you for this post. I am going to bookmark it and when he and I are having an off day I am going to go back and read it to remind myself that this is just a period of adjustment, and that we'll get to the place that you have described.
Much love, Kaley
My recent post Happy- But Not Too Happy if You Know What I Mean…
It can sometimes take a long time, but they learn eventually. 🙂
My recent post Use Structure to Make Yourself More Productive
I am glad that my post was able to bring you some hope. Be prepared though. Like most things that take a great deal of effort, it might get worse before it gets better, but they will get better..
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This is the first post I've read on your blog, and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I think sometimes it's our significant others who have the hardest time dealing with our mental health struggles, because they feel they should be able to help and then feel powerless when they can't. Through my depression, my husband has learned that sometimes I'm just out of control, that I don't mean the things I say when I push at him, and that if he can try not to take me personally things work out better for both of us. Now, he copes better, which helps me cope better.
My recent post Use Structure to Make Yourself More Productive
Thank you for stopping by. Your are correct. My husband likes to protect me, it is just his nature to protect the people he loves from harm. He was so frustrated because he could not protect me from harming myself, whether I was harming myself in thought or deed.
That is a good way to put it, "he copes better, which helps me cope better." It is a true statement for me as well. If we have a particular stressful situation at home, if he can cope with it well, then I can cope with it better.
This is the first post I've read on your blog, and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I think sometimes it's our significant others who have the hardest time dealing with our mental health struggles, because they feel they should be able to help and then feel powerless when they can't. Through my depression, my husband has learned that sometimes I'm just out of control, that I don't mean the things I say when I push at him, and that if he can try not to take me personally things work out better for both of us. Now, he copes better, which helps me cope better.
My recent post Use Structure to Make Yourself More Productive
Thank you for stopping by. Your are correct. My husband likes to protect me, it is just his nature to protect the people he loves from harm. He was so frustrated because he could not protect me from harming myself, whether I was harming myself in thought or deed.
That is a good way to put it, "he copes better, which helps me cope better." It is a true statement for me as well. If we have a particular stressful situation at home, if he can cope with it well, then I can cope with it better.
When we're forced to focus on ourselves, its easy to forget that the people around us are human too, and have their own quirks, issues, neuroses, blinders, stereotypes, expectations, filters, etc., and as part of a support network they suddenly have to be able to put all their mental baggage aside – which feels neither fair nor possible. Most people don't even realize what is going on in their own heads, let alone be able to put it all aside to support someone else during a crisis. And communication (including listening) skills are generally not seen as a strong trait in men anyway – or, to be fair – they communicate differently than women. Mars and Venus, you know.
The fact that you can now leave your headspace and observe your husband this way shows great growth. You're seeing him as a fellow human being, seeing the things you have always loved in him as well as seeing how he's changed and loving him for it. Your writing feels warm and gentle.
My recent post Hiroshima in 2010
When we're forced to focus on ourselves, its easy to forget that the people around us are human too, and have their own quirks, issues, neuroses, blinders, stereotypes, expectations, filters, etc., and as part of a support network they suddenly have to be able to put all their mental baggage aside – which feels neither fair nor possible. Most people don't even realize what is going on in their own heads, let alone be able to put it all aside to support someone else during a crisis. And communication (including listening) skills are generally not seen as a strong trait in men anyway – or, to be fair – they communicate differently than women. Mars and Venus, you know.
The fact that you can now leave your headspace and observe your husband this way shows great growth. You're seeing him as a fellow human being, seeing the things you have always loved in him as well as seeing how he's changed and loving him for it. Your writing feels warm and gentle.
My recent post Hiroshima in 2010
sounds like a good guy, it's nice to see a positive post like this… I wonder what my wife really thinks about me… I'm almost afraid to ask… 🙂
My recent post To My Wonder Woman Thanks for the Good Deed
You should do a nice post and cartoon about wonderful qualities your wife has.
I will be fining out what my family thinks about me, I have sent them interview questions will be doing a blog post about them.
sounds like a good guy, it's nice to see a positive post like this… I wonder what my wife really thinks about me… I'm almost afraid to ask… 🙂
My recent post To My Wonder Woman Thanks for the Good Deed
You should do a nice post and cartoon about wonderful qualities your wife has.
I will be fining out what my family thinks about me, I have sent them interview questions will be doing a blog post about them.
hi! i read this a week ago and mountain computer would not let me comment.
this post gave me so much hope. not really for me, but for so many others.
i felt really happy reading it.
My recent post can’t talk now…
hi! i read this a week ago and mountain computer would not let me comment.
this post gave me so much hope. not really for me, but for so many others.
i felt really happy reading it.
My recent post can’t talk now…