There have been many times over the last few years when I would share with someone what I needed or wanted, only to find that it was as if they never even heard me. I never could understand what it was about me that seemed to make it so difficult for people to hear and fulfill my wants.
Somewhere along the way in my therapy, I realized why people did not hear what I was saying. I was not really saying what it was that I wanted and needed. I would beat around the bush, alluding to what it was that I wanted, but never actually saying it. I learned that if I want to be heard, I need to say what I mean and mean what I say.
“Then you should say what you mean,’ the March Hare went on. `I do,’ Alice hastily replied; `at least – at least I mean what I say – that’s the same thing, you know. “~ Lewis Carroll
Every time I did not say what I meant, and mean what I said, I diminished my own self worth, and my power. I also ended up feeling frustrated, disappointed, and ignored. I felt as if I had no voice. Those feelings contributed to the extreme unhappiness I always seemed to have.
There are several reasons why I chose to not say what I meant. In the past, it was an act of self preservation. I have had relationships with people and family where expressing what I really thought could have led to a great deal of unpleasantness. I would use hinting around about the subject I wanted to discuss as a way to gauge what the other person’s reaction might be. Later on in life I became the ultimate people pleaser, and did not see myself as valuable as everyone else. By never being direct about what I wanted, I could make sure everyone else’s wants and needs were taken care of.
Once I saw myself as valuable and decided to live a truthful life, a life where I was being the real me, I began to start saying what I meant. I was surprised at the results. Most of the people in my life where very happy that I was telling them what I needed and wanted. It allowed them to know what I was thinking, and gave them an opportunity to do things for me. It made them feel as if they were a part of my life.
The more I said what I meant and meant what I said, the more confidence and feelings of self worth I gained. Which led to me being more and more direct. I no longer felt ignored and frustrated. I became a happier person. Since I was no longer worrying about whether people got what I was alluding to, I also became less anxious.
Say what you mean and mean what you say is something I attempt to live up to every day. It is not always easy, old habits can be difficult to overcome. However, as each day goes by and I have more and more opportunities to practice being direct, the easier it has become. My belief, is that one day, I will be able to say what I mean and mean what I say without even having to give it any thought.
Do you always say what you mean? If not, why?
If you do not always say what you mean, how does that make you feel?
If you are someone who does say what you mean, have you always done so?
What made you start saying what you mean and meaning what you say?
I am looking forward to everyone’s answers.
Just wanted to stop by and say thanks for dropping by and commenting on my blog. Hope to see you again 😀
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Happy Easter =-.
I read your blog often, I just do not always comment as much as I should.
Just wanted to stop by and say thanks for dropping by and commenting on my blog. Hope to see you again 😀
.-= Jenny´s last blog ..Happy Easter =-.
I read your blog often, I just do not always comment as much as I should.
Wow, that was really well written, and thank you. Being truthful to ourselves isn’t so easy, but it is rewarding. I am reminded of how I kept getting frustrated with RM but wasn’t actually communicating with him. Honesty counts in every aspect of our lives.
.-= Enguardia´s last blog ..THE POST… of the Easter =-.
Some people do get a bit cranky when you start saying what you mean, but they do get used to it. Thank you for the compliment. It only took two days to write. I envy you. You can shoot out a coherent, good post in no time flat, and I have to take days to do it sometimes.
Wow, that was really well written, and thank you. Being truthful to ourselves isn’t so easy, but it is rewarding. I am reminded of how I kept getting frustrated with RM but wasn’t actually communicating with him. Honesty counts in every aspect of our lives.
.-= Enguardia´s last blog ..THE POST… of the Easter =-.
Some people do get a bit cranky when you start saying what you mean, but they do get used to it. Thank you for the compliment. It only took two days to write. I envy you. You can shoot out a coherent, good post in no time flat, and I have to take days to do it sometimes.
What a wonderful post. I think I too have this problem. I guess that’s something I should really work on!
.-= bubbleboo´s last blog ..Memes…On The Double! =-.
I think most people have to learn how to manage this at one time or another. Some of us just do it more often than others do.
What a wonderful post. I think I too have this problem. I guess that’s something I should really work on!
.-= bubbleboo´s last blog ..Memes…On The Double! =-.
I think most people have to learn how to manage this at one time or another. Some of us just do it more often than others do.
Hi Melissa,
This is a great post. I think everyone likes to really be “heard” and I think it’s really important that we all find our voice. It really does give you the confidence and feeling of self worth that you were describing, but it sure takes a lot of work. For me, it’s just about being direct and saying the things that I know are of importance and meaning for ME, and not worrying about how others will perceive it…
-Vanessa from Optimal Optimist
.-= Vanessa ´s last blog ..You Look Like Spring =-.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this post. I am getting better about saying what I mean, and with my family especially, I am expecting the same from them. When I catch me or them beating around the bush, I will end up saying “Say what you mean”. I am very grateful I have time to teach this to my daughter before she is an adult.
Hi Melissa,
This is a great post. I think everyone likes to really be “heard” and I think it’s really important that we all find our voice. It really does give you the confidence and feeling of self worth that you were describing, but it sure takes a lot of work. For me, it’s just about being direct and saying the things that I know are of importance and meaning for ME, and not worrying about how others will perceive it…
-Vanessa from Optimal Optimist
.-= Vanessa ´s last blog ..You Look Like Spring =-.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts about this post. I am getting better about saying what I mean, and with my family especially, I am expecting the same from them. When I catch me or them beating around the bush, I will end up saying “Say what you mean”. I am very grateful I have time to teach this to my daughter before she is an adult.