Our Lord, we belong to you.  We tell you what worries us, and you won’t let us fall. Psalm 55:22

At the age of 40, I have managed to retire.  I realize that given the economic state that the world is in right now, retiring at my age is almost impossible.  However, I have. After spending most of my life in the same line of work, I have moved on to something else. In some ways I have missed my old profession.  After all, anytime you give up a job that you have held for as many years as I did that one, there is going to be some sense of loss.

Before you starting thinking you can jump right in and apply for my old position, you need to be aware that it is not a job for just anyone. People employed in this line of work need to have the ability to frequently stay up all night, be fairly tolerant of pain, have a terrific imagination, and know how to keep secrets. Not everyone is gifted with those abilities.  Without them though, there is no way that the duties required by this particular job can be completed.

There are some great benefits associated with this line of work, the best one is that it is impossible to be fired.  Just like the Supreme Court Justices – with less vetting – once you obtain that position, you are in it for life.  Unless you retire, like I did.

Still thinking about applying?  After all having a job that you cannot be fired from is a pretty sweet deal. I guess that means I should probably give you a heads up about a few things. The is no extra pay for overtime – you will be working way more than 40 hours a week. At any second you could be called into work, so forget making any long term plans with your family.  Also, when you are working you must give it your absolutely undivided attention.

Still interested? Alright then! Here is a list of some of the job duties:

• At all times you must wait for “the other shoe” to drop.
• Without exception, you must have a huge painful knot in your stomach.  Throwing in some nausea or a bleeding ulcer might not get you a raise, but it will score you some brownie points with the bosses.
• When giving this job your undivided attention, you must tune everyone and everything out, including your own personal needs – sleep, showering, fresh air.
• You will be required to use your imagination to create a multitude of “What if” scenarios about one particular subject.
• All “What if” scenarios must be negative in nature.

Now that you have some of the information about this job opening, you probably would like to know what position you will be applying for.  It is a Professional Worrier.

I am enjoying my retirement.

I was a very talented Profession Worrier.  You name it, and I could worry about it.  I was so good that I could even make up things to worry about.  I could easily stay up all night worrying.  I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  I even developed my very own ulcer.

Retiring from my chosen profession was no easy task, but I am glad I did.  I am enjoying my retirement too much to ever want to go back to it.

• I enjoy not have a painful knot in my stomach all the time.
• I enjoy not being paralyzed by fear and worry.
• I enjoy not having to worry all night long.
• I enjoy not making myself incredibly sad and upset from made up “What if” scenarios.
• I enjoy not having to be so focused on worrying that I ignore my family and my own personal needs.
• I am enjoying getting out of the house and experiencing fresh air.

Retirement Plan

If you are already a Profession Worrier, or plan on taking over the vacancy I created when I retired, you will  eventually become – what I like to call – soul weary. Being a Professional Worrier is hard work, that wears you out -body and soul – very quickly.  You will need some sort of exit plan when you decide to retire.

• Go Part Time – Being employed as a Professional Worrier is almost addictive.  When you begin to implement your exit plan, do not just stop worrying cold turkey. Instead, only worry two times a day – 15 minutes each time.  Be sure to keep to the time you have alloted for worrying.  Part time means you will not be allowed to perform you job duties, except during your 15 minute time slots.
• Stop Performing Some Of Your Job Duties – No longer give your job your undivided attention.  Make room in your life for your family, friends, and your needs.
• Retrain Your Brain – The training that was needed for you to be able to create all those negative “What if” scenarios can be undone. You can retrain your brain by making a more conscious effort to stop creating “What if” scenarios, and also by finding at least three positives in every situation.
• Silence Is Not Golden – One of the mandates that a Professional Worrier has is to NOT share what is on their mind.  Immediately stop being silent, and share your worries with friends and family.  It will take some of the burden off of you.
• Prayer Factor – Hand over All of your worries to God.  It will take All of the burden off of you.

I am looking forward to seeing you all around the shuffle board court!