As a depressed, diabetic, almost forty year old woman, I often feel as if I am controlled by my emotions.  At any moment, I can start crying over nothing, feel so angry that I cannot talk or I say things I should not, or feel so panic stricken that I cannot leave my house.   

I am at a loss to explain to most people how things have degenerated so far down to this point.  How do you explain to someone that your anxiety works in such a way that there is a certain square mile radius that is your “safety zone” and that if you leave it, you will have a panic attack? Or that your depression is so bad that even bathing yourself and getting dressed for the day can seem like an insurmountable task?   

In my quest to learn how to control my emotions rather than let them control me, I have encountered a few people who have shared some bits of information with me about depression and how diabetes, genetics, my childhood, brain chemistry and the changing hormones of a woman my age can worsen depression and anxiety.  I appreciated the information because it has given me a better way of explaining to people why I am an emotional, puddle of mud, however, when I take stock of all I have stacked against me it is rather dis-heartening. Did I forget to mention I am also naturally a glass is half empty kind of person? 

I wonder what things would look like, if I tried to see a few of the issues I have, through a glass that is half full?

Pre-menopause bouncing hormones can lead to depression and anxiety

Glass is half empty view – Ten to fifteen more years of bouncing hormones which lead to ever worsening depression and panic attacks.  My “safety zone” grows smaller and smaller until it only includes my house.  I become a shut in who is known as the dog lady (I prefer dogs over cats) 

Glass is half full view – Only ten to fifteen more years of bouncing hormones, depression and panic attacks.  Menopause hits and the bouncing hormones go away.  As an added bonus no more visits from my “monthly friend”.

Studies show that people with diabetes have a greater risk of depression than people without diabetes.

Glass is half empty view – Whenever my sugar levels get to high I feel depressed, when they get too low I feel depressed.  Giving myself shots is so not fun.  Checking my blood sugar is a painful and tedious project that must be done at least four times a day.  I cannot eat cake, cookies, bread, and pasta the way I want to.

Glass is half full view – Getting better control over my blood sugar means I will not get depressed from the sugar highs and lows.  In a few years all my finger tips will have developed callouses, so checking my blood sugar will no longer be a painful process.  With all that cake, cookies, bread and pasta I am not eating, I am bound to lose weight, and will be able to get back into my skinny jeans. 

I have depressed genes

Glass is half empty view- These are not like my fat jeans, where I can hope to one day be able to fit in my skinny jeans again.  There are no exchanges or refunds to these types of genes.  I am stuck with them!  My children are stuck with them!

Glass is half full view – There are medications that can help control the chemical processes in my brain that are a little off kilter due to my genes.  If some medications do not work that is ok, there are many of them out there and you are allowed exchanges of medications.  My children are already aware of their depressed genes.  They will know to be vigilant, and will always be on the look out for the signs of depression and anxiety in themselves.  They will have the ability to get  help long before they spiral down as far as I have. 

I think if I can remember to take the time to look at things from a glass is half full view, I will continue to surprise myself with all the positive things I can find.  I might even find a way to better control my emotions and no longer be an emotional, puddle of mud.

Are there any issues you have that you are currently looking at through a glass is half empty view?  What happens when you take the time to look at them through a glass is half full view?  Let me know what you discover.