“We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope” Marting Luther King, Jr.

I have a really good attention span – when I want to . I can spend long stretches of time concentrating on just one or two things.  Especially, when I dwell on the past, or worry about the future. If a person could earn money for concentrating on the should haves, could haves, and wondering what will happen, then I would be a millionaire.  That would be a whole lot better than the actual pay off.

My payoff was pain. Pain caused by a past that haunted me, being consumed with feelings of guilt and regret, and a never ending pain in my stomach due to constant worrying. However, the worst pain was caused by what I lost. Time. I was so busy living in the past, and the future that my time in the present was slipping past me. I was living my life in moments, but never “this moment”. Notice I said “this moment” and not “the moment”. I believe that one little word does make a difference. “The moment” seems so arbitrary to me. “The moment” could be any moment in time, not just a present moment. “This moment” is much more specific. It is speaking about the current moment in time. It is referring to NOW.

Instead of enjoying “this moment”, and all the joy, and contentment that living in the NOW brings, I was burden by my yesterdays, and tomorrows. Not living in “this moment” made it easy for me to relive days filled with shame, and the moments when I had been harmed by others. It allowed me to continue living life as a victim, rather than as someone who had control over her own life. My yesterdays, and tomorrows kept me angry, sad, and JOYLESS.

I needed contentment, and joy in my life – as much as I needed depression medications and counselling – to gain control of my depression. I had to come to terms with what happened yesterday, and acknowledge that it could not be undone. I had to realize that dwelling on the sad, and unfair actions of others, and my own poor choices were robbing me of my joy. I needed to be WILLING to let those things go, and live in “this moment”. It was not an easy process. I had become comfortable immersing myself in every other moment – except for NOW.

I retrained my brain by replacing my thoughts, and worries about the past, and future with positive thoughts from my present. Every time a bad memory popped into my head, I replaced it with a good one. Instead of worrying about all the possible bad outcomes of a situation, I began to find something good in every circumstance. I worked on finding solutions to my problems, rather than dwelling on the problems themselves. I started living in “this moment”. I chose the joy of today, and left behind the agony of yesterday.

What about you? Are you living in your yesterdays, and tomorrows? Are you willing to let them go? Are you willing to live in “this moment?”